Dear Aurora,
wow im already about to start crying. its been just over a year now since i have seen and talked to you. the day you died i also died. i never knew what pain truly was until i got that phone call. i still dont believe it. you are the most important person in my life. my daughter and my heart. people keep saying that god has a plan for you or for me but i cant buy into that. im so angry so hurt so heartbroken. i cant seem to look at pictures and videos of you yet. i used drugs and pills to try to numb the pain... yeah that didnt work either. i remembered somthing the other day. do you remember when you would have me read you the charlie and lola books and id have to use the english accent? then you would read it to me in your best english accent... you were so adorable. as you probably know i have tried killing myself about ten times so far. as good as i try i cant seem to do it right. i just want to be with you, i want this mental torture to be over once and for all. i dont know what to do. im lost and i just want to be found. i dream of you everynight. sometimes they are great dreams where i just hold you knowing it will be over soon, other times they are horrific dreams of your dead body rotting. i had one of the bad dreams last night. they leave me shaken for hours. i cant get the image of you laying on the medical table lifeless out of my head. the doctors say i have post tramatic stress disorder. i have a very hard time being around children. god i love you so much why cant i be with you.
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